“Escaping the Dark Cloud” by Grfxz

The isolation is gripping and gnawing daily. That dark cloud hovers over me this time of year, consistently aimed to track my every step. Novembers and the start of the holiday season are always complicated and feel dreary. This year that cloud has grown immensely and on sunny days it still finds a way to remind me of its presence. 2020 has been the year of the COVID pandemic and the unforgivable loss of so many icons and people we cherish. The feeling of what’s next ways heavy when our eyes open. Despair and sadness triggers a reminder that this battle is not just for me, its probably far worse for others.

I have never played victim to what is or isn’t. If anything, I try desperately to help others and make them see the bigger picture. Life is hard, difficult and extremely unpredictable. For one second, who would of thought 2020 could pack such a morbid tone in history. From the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, nothing has healed our souls. The COVID pandemic, the quarantine, the loss of jobs and unpredictable deaths has changed me forever. There has been so much negative energy that has fueled my commitment to run and train relentlessly. It’s the dark cloud I fear. That dark cloud is physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting. At every weak moment, it lingers and sits over you making you feel worthless.

I’ve lost a lot this year emotionally and financially, but running has kept a lot of things in perspective. I’m the healthiest I’ve been in years. I’ve found new skill sets and improved my life two fold. That dark cloud seems to always work its way back on days where I don’t run. In the month of August I ran 100 miles and pushed my mental to levels I never thought existed. In September, I used a lot of time to rest up and the downtime left me feeling dark. The cloud appeared and made me question my business, my financial responsibilities and future in general. On my darkest days, I had to face uncertainty that holds no answers. I had to pick up and be productive because I am a father, a son, an uncle, a friend and more importantly, the strongest motherfucker in the room. On my worst day, I refuse to fold when the world tells me I should. In those moments of my neck being held to the ground, I find a way to breathe. I count my blessings for all I have and see my potential to overcome struggle

Regardless of how far that cloud comes to me, I know I have a few choices. I can let it rain and destroy my confidence or I can pick up and motivate myself to new heights. The last option isn’t always easy but I believe in a higher power and purpose. How you treat your own personal situation is a tool you give to others. Guiding and being a person of influence comes with responsibilities and dedication to fix oneself. Life isn’t easy and 2020 has been unforgiving. Take the time to find what you love and keep yourself away from the darkness. For me, its running and chasing new distances. As long as I am ahead and being consistent, the dark cloud can follow. I’ll stay consistent for me, for others. #gorun

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